Have you noticed that the Relationships we are Closest to, can Trigger our Anger and Frustrations the most?
Why And what portion of these interactions are You responsible for?
A certain level of Family Conflict and Disconnection is normal in most family units. It isn’t Healthy or a Reasonable Expectation that any group of people placed in close proximity, sharing intimate spaces, and interacting frequently if not daily will have complete compatibility.
Why?
Even when a family unit shares the same values, beliefs, and most of the same situations. Each one of us views interprets, and internalizes these elements differently, even if it is ever so slightly. All humans desire Love and Connection from a very young age it is what defines our actions. But events, situations, and our child’s mind interprets the world and actions around us that imprint fear, boundaries, and beliefs that we carry with us all of our lives as wounds or fears.
When two or more people are experiencing a conflict there is a loss of connection somewhere that usually relates to an unmet Core Longing.
I believe we have 5 Core Longings put in place by God at the time of creation.
We as humans, continually strive to keep them in balance for harmony.
They are :
Love
Safety/Security
Belonging
Understanding
Significance
Purpose
What I Want for You
Is to understand that conflict and disharmony with other people is a normal part of life and most relationships.
With understanding and practice, you can navigate these situations with Confidence.
I want you to know that you are Loved, Secure in, and Belong to in the Kingdom of God, and you are never alone. (Romans 5:8 / Romans 8:16 /Deuteronomy 31:6 - Amplified)
I pray that you have Peace and Harmony in your life and relationships. And by understanding and implementing these tools your Path is smoother.
Tools and Tips
Our Map
I am sure you have heard the saying, “There are two sides to every story”. Essentially, this is true.
As stated above, despite similar environments, a family of origin, experiences, and culture. Everyone has a unique “Map” they follow because of their unique feelings, interpretations, and beliefs about their world and themselves. Our individual Maps are not up for debate. You must set aside the mindset of who is Right or Wrong to acknowledge and believe that the other person’s Map is valid. Then become curious about how they see the world and themselves. It is not up to us to try and change another's map but to get on their map to appreciate and understand their viewpoints
Open Heart / Closed Heart
Having an Open Heart that is willing to hear and receive what the other person is experiencing, interpreting, and feeling is essential to obtaining harmony with them. This does not mean you must agree. You are open to hearing their views and understanding their “map”.
When we operate from a Closed Heart, we block out, turn away from, and become critical and defensive. Causing the other person to react from the place of wounding that caused a lack of one of their Core Longings.
Where Do You Come in and Own Your Part in any conflict?
You also have areas where you may have a Core Longing trigger. So when in conflict with another our history and wounds come to the surface, and we defend and protect ourselves because of the “Map” we have. Knowing your triggers, your inner feelings, and being aware that the other person likely has No Idea about your wound or core longing needs. You can step back, take a breath and examine
Why, How, and Where the situation is triggering you?
Then before you approach responding to the other person, ask yourself…
What part have I played in creating this conflict? (be honest with yourself)
Can I “get on their Map” with empathy and see their perspective?
Am I listening fully and hearing all of their words for Clarity and out of Love?
Is my heart “open” to understanding and hearing what they have to Say?
What meaning “about me” am I making out of their words or actions?
In Summary- 4 Keys to Improving Connection and Harmony with Others:
Work to understand and get on the other person's Map, then Get Curious to understand their viewpoint
Strive to approach the conversation or situation with an Open and Loving Heart toward Connection and Harmony.
Listen out of Love, and give others their space and time to open up, so you have Clarity and Understanding.
Understand and Acknowledge your Triggers and Core Longings in the situation and how they may cause you to react.
This blog reflects teachings, practices, and lessons from my
If this information has stirred thoughts or feelings that you would like to explore further.
Please reach out and book a Free Breakthrough Call.
Until we speak, Be Well and Be Blessed,
Judy