top of page

A Guide for Building Resilience: 6 steps to strengthen Yours

What is it: Resilience is defined as; An ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity. Or the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness, flexibility · strength · toughness · strength of character · hardiness · adaptability · ability to bounce back

How do you see yourself adapting or building the capacity to stretch and develop Mental, Emotional, Physical, or Spiritual strength?

I continue to be amazed at the correlating events that occur in my life that build on each other to help me add another layer of strength, grit, and adaptability. If I were to take a moment and look in the rearview at the history of events, and my capacity to overcome and learn through them, things become a lot clearer. Even seeing the Grace of God present as a source of comfort each step of the way.

Often, as we are experiencing a trauma, drama, or life-changing event we don’t see the learning or adaptations at the moment. But, each experience layers on the next with new skills, problem-solving capacity, and adaptations to your environment, beliefs, and possibly physical functions. Bringing us to a point of self-confidence that “I’ve got this” because you have been there before or seen it, done it, and bought the T-shirt.


In the bible, resilience is described differently than how Webster may see it. The key difference is the "who" we rely on for our outcome.

In a World view of resilience, it is the "I" of ourselves that determines the outcome and capability to persevere or become resilient. In the Biblical view, the believer relies on God's Plan, provision, and providence to make a way for them to find a good and upright path out of their situation.

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand" Ps. 37: 23-24

Resilience in your personal life The word RESILIENCE might as well be part of my name, and I imagine you might often feel the same.

My life story is filled with examples of events that have required resilience, thru trauma, and heartaches that have built barriers, shields, and boundaries that I used to create a fortress of emotional, physical, and ultimately spiritual protections.

Some examples of the life events I have endured and learned to overcome are; Social stigma, discrimination, and bias at a young age. I often felt a sense of abandonment when my parents could not stay with me during the many childhood hospitalizations which required me to learn to adapt to the adult world very early in life. Because of my illnesses and the social biases of the day my childmind feared losing Love and Belonging in my family unit, friends, and the world.

Have you felt like this?

In all of these events, there was one thing that remained constant for me. Even as a young child, I had a strong understanding and belief that God was with me and would carry me through these times, even if bad things happened.



A Master Coach I know (Rasul Davis) explains that as we adjust to life's challenges, we adapt like Surfers who chase wave after wave.

Many times they are failing to conquer the board or the wave. But when they persist, learning from each prior attempt. Eventually, the surfer hits that wave just right. Then they Gloriously ride the wave in for as long as the ride lasts.

This is the lesson of Resiliency in life, we sometimes succeed,

not in spite of our Obstacles, but because of them.

"It's not what the obstacle is, it's who you become overcoming it." (Davis)

Building Resilience

Resilience is about how you are experiencing all the negative, difficult, and distressing events that life throws at us while staying focused, positive, and high functioning.

Your environment, experiences, personal stressors, etc., are a catalyst to begin building RESILIENCE.

Just think - if we never experienced disappointment or stress, we'd never learn how to deal with what we’re going through.

Research evidence shows the benefits of resilience to include:

  • Improved learning and academic performance

  • Less work and school absenteeism

  • Fewer risk behaviors like; excessive alcohol or drug use.

  • More community and social engagement

Research also shows that resiliency contributes to positive health outcomes like:

  • Positive emotions and better mood regulation.

  • Greater resistance to stress and improved coping skills

  • Successful aging and more well-being as we age

  • Better recovery after injury or surgery

As we are faced with longstanding or ongoing challenges we can become weary or burned out if we don’t find ways to build skills to maintain ourselves. I have developed

6 Keys to ARRIVE at Resilience, and they are:

A ffirming through Spiritual faith and prayer, meditation, or written or spoken affirmations. Practicing these forms of affirmation helps us to enhance our inherent Beliefs in our own Spiritual Power and ability to discern resolutions to problems and overcome them.

R ely - on others in your community or “tribe” if you will, when needed. Your loved ones often want to give to you as much as you love to give back. Remember, it is OK to Not be OK.

Ask for help when you need it and make a resource list of who you have in your tribe to call on when you hit those low times. We are not meant to carry the burdens of the world. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 two are better than one, they have a more satisfying return for their labor, if either of them falls one will lift up the other

R esist Overwhelm by Overdoing - You are not responsible for others' happiness, problems, issues, and drama. The most helpful thing you can do for loved ones and family is to let them learn to solve their own problems and stand on their own. Become the airline stewardess of your favorite airline. Know where your exits are and put your oxygen on first.

I ntention- all Behaviors and Experiences have a Positive Intention for the person experiencing them. Understanding that terrible and traumatic things happen to people every day. This statement is intended to show the positive outcome or “learning and adaptation” that comes out of all experiences. Learn to reflect on the Positive Intentions the event has had on your life. What strength, trait, or skill have you gained because of it?

Have you ever experienced a life-changing event and then thought,

“I wonder what the lesson is in this?”

V alues- Each of us has a unique set of circumstances and events into which we are born. Even if born into a stable nuclear family the timing and emotions of our birth make it unique. Thus having its own emotional value.

Family RULES - are ingrained values and are known by all whether spoken or not. These rules provide a foundational structure for us to form life instruction.

Culture- the unique dynamics of each family create a culture within it, ethnic cultural environment or beliefs and practices provide bonding of peoples, and Spiritual values ascribe to our belief system.

All of these are what we learn and imprint as beliefs, rules, and instructions for life that define how we perform and problem-solve.

E valuate and reassess

Most have heard the phrase, “you can’t see the forest for the trees”. When we are going through tough times and feel like they may never improve or we have not made any progress. The single most important thing to do is - Turn-Around.

Evaluating where you have been and the progress you have made is hard to see while you are in the midst of the struggle. Occasionally turning around and looking back helps you to gain perspective. You are stronger than you think or know, ARRIVE IN YOUR POWER

The WHO you become is because of the "Life-abilities" you develop - these are the skills of resilience - from the Liabilities in front of you. Your Life's Trials create your "Life-abilities"

Too many times I have heard the saying that “your liabilities can be your greatest assets.

Through the trials and challenges I have endured, I don’t see where my trials and challenges were Liabilities, I believe they created my “Life-abilities”.

Meaning, through our obstacles, we create new and valuable “Lifabilities” that will serve, perhaps protect, or even educate us for current or future events or purposes.

If you’re ready to build your resilience, or have something you’d like to dive deeper into I invite you to a free 30-minute Breakthrough Session with me to start developing your

ideal life-abilities. https://www.heartnsoulhlc/services (scroll to the bottom of the screen)

Blessings and Grace to you Always,


9 views0 comments


bottom of page