Generally, we don’t want to disappoint the people who are important to us. Part of our social training as children is to be “nice”, regardless of how we may feel about the situation at the time.
Telling adults “no” was likely one of the first things as a newly verbal toddlers that we were scolded for. So we learn that saying “no” is not good.
Fast forward to our adult selves today and we are overscheduled, and overworked. We are the person everyone comes to because we’re the only ones who can do it right.
Maybe you are the worrier for the family and take on
Responsibilities for others even before being asked.
When you can’t seem to catch a minute of peace you start hiding out from people and social engagements so that you don’t have to be asked to do anything. Then if you are asked a minor favor, you overreact and blow your top. Sound Familiar?
This is where boundaries come in.
Bound to be, as we learn and see
We all learn to make meaning of our
environment, the rules and instructions for life, that
set our personal boundaries by 2 years of age.
If you see that your reactions and emotions to your
boundaries are unreasonable. Think again, they were
formed by a 2year old with limited language and
understanding of the meaning of the events that sparked them when they interpreted, then imprinted them as a belief out of a fear response.
I want you to give yourself grace for the lack of
boundaries or the need to be overly controlling with
Laying the foundations of Boundaries
Have you ever been in a relationship or work environment where someone else said, “I have no idea what you want from me”? Consider this:
Setting and clearly communicating the limits of your boundaries helps others know how you wish to be treated, where your safety zones are, and exactly what is and is not acceptable to you.
Laying these foundational guidelines in any relationship or interpersonal situation gives voice to your rights and the outcomes of choices regarding your time, and emotional burdens.
We all have inherent rights to set personal and emotional boundaries.
Others do not have to agree with or be happy with our boundaries, they are ours.
If you are a person of faith and fear that setting and
holding true to your boundaries is not aligned with
Christian beliefs, remember that God has set boundaries for us throughout the teachings in the Bible - and broken boundaries have consequences. (Gen.2:16)
When it comes to holding our boundaries,
“What we permit, we promote”.
To learn more about how to effectively set and hold boundaries in your life join my free 5-day workshop, Bold Boundaries for Boundless Living, and start your journey to living a life of freedom and ease. Join the workshop here.
JS Heartnsoul HLC
Master Transformational Coach
Faith-based Empowerment Coach